I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
