"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
