I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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