I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
