That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
