The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
