how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
