Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
