I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
