I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
