oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
