new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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