just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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