She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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