So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
