Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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