just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
