But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
