are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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