Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
