At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
