I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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