bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
