his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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