He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
