I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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