My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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