come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
