Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
