dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
