smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
