a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
