his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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