Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
