I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
