I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
