Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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