I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
