I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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