Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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