It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
