Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
