i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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