I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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