he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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