You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
