she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
