had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
