K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
