Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
