The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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