I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
