so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
