I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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