just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
