Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
